Author: Petra

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“What is wrong with you?”

I’m walking. Minding my business, thinking of world domination and why so many people get in the way of my plan. Actually one person in particular got in my way, in my mind.
Car driving backwards, I get hit. Nothing serious, just a light touch. I kept walking, undisturbed. Things happen, and honestly nothing happened.

The driver took the action of running after me, confronting me and shouting:

“What’s wrong with you?”

I did not know he was the driver at the time he asked this odd question. Strangers running up to me, getting full blown in my face shouting questions is something that makes me feel uncomfortable and makes me shut down.

“You hit my car!”

Now things made more sense. Or actually no, still not. The car hit me, well, no one got really hit.
“What is wrong with you?”

His monologue continued. I told him, I was fine and glad with his concern. He argued HE was not fine.. “You hit my car!!!

At that point you know your oppressor is in a bad temper because of his own shitty messy life and just looking for a way to blow steam. I’m glad to be of help.
After a few more outcries he got his mind back to functional mode and left me alone.

As I walked a way, his question was still bouncing through my head. What is wrong with me?
I have 10 voices in my head telling me what is wrong with me every day. First thing they do every morning is jamming in my head, telling me what is wrong with me. It takes 10 deep breaths and a huge black coffee to knock them down one by one.  Those I call   the Demons of Destruction. They make it a big point to tell you where your failings are in your doing. Mostly after the fact, where hind sight is 20/20. But I’m digressing.
We all mess up and DO wrong shit. We can BE wrong. To acknowledge a defect (something wrong) in my own systematic doing, I never took that seriously.

That was wrong with me, being in my own way, I guess.

I’m often mad at the world, frustrated for not getting my way. It makes me nothing more than a hammer looking for a nail to hit in order to get things on the right track.
I could get a bit more sophisticated with my mind in order to open the doors that get shut in my face. Or accept they are.

 

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Either good or bad, nobody knows

good or bad

good or bad

Is this good or bad? I asked myself too many times. Too often in hindsight, things look different. Good, bad. If it is good we want to keep it that way, if it’s bad, we try to avoid, change, or learn from it.

Good or bad is a way or seeing things, perspective. On how some events can be good and bad, I remember in a story I read somewhere.

This is not a story I created, just a story I want to pass on to you.

Once upon a time in a village far away, there lived a farmer. The farmer had a horse. A beautiful strong horse.
One day the farmer decided to bring the horse to a contest. The horse was recognized as the most beautiful and strong horse. With great awe and applause of the other villagers the farmer collected his price and went home.

The next day his neighbors came up to him and congratulated him on winning the price. ‘You must be so happy and proud. A very good thing happened to you.’ They said.
The farmer was not happy nor sad. He just spoke: ‘ What is good or what is bad, nobody knows.’
The neighbors looked at each other, not understanding why the farmer was not celebrating and happy or more into their congratulations.

Later that week in the darkest of nights, thieves broke into the stable and stole the price winning horse. They heard about the beauty of this animal and figured they could sell the horse for a high price.
When the neighbors heard about this unfortunate event, they came to express their concern and sorry for the farmer. ‘Such a bad thing had happened to you, we feel so sorry.;
The farmer was still not moved.’ What is good or what is bad, nobody knows.’ he spoke.
The neighbors shake their heads and went off.

The thieves were not very careful at keeping this and other horses captivated. And as horses do, they escaped. The price winner navigated his way back to the farmed taking his new friends, 4 other horses with him. There the farmer found himself with 5 horses.

The neighbors came by and called the farmer a lucky man. ‘Such good luck is happening to you!’
You might guess by now what the farmers reply was.

The new horses were wild and not yet ‘broken’ into domestication. It takes a strong and patience man to do that job. The farmers son had both skills. He worked with the horses for days, weeks, until one day he fell of the back of the wildest one and broke his leg.
‘Ooh what a misfortune that this happened to you son. Broken leg..so bad.’ Neighbors were telling the farmer. Still his reaction was the same: ‘ What is good or what is bad, nobody knows.’

Soon after this incident, the king of the country decided to go to war with the neighboring country. Men were send to get every young man into the army. If they would not join willingly, force was to be pressed upon the new soldiers to defend the king and destroy the enemy.

Of course these recruiters came to visit our farmer. The son would have been a good candidate, yet the broken leg would do no good on the battlefield. So the son could stay at home…..

The neighbors thought this was a good thing. Lucky farmer did not see his son into a war.. The farmer’s thoughts….well you know by now

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Number 1 reason why goal setting doesn’t work

Number 1 reason why goal setting doesn't work

Number 1 reason why goal setting doesn't work
Another year is to an end. Looking back might not always be the better idea, but perspective can be a welcome muse. This for an other day, now:

Goal setting. Things I want to accomplish. Oh be honest, it is mostly the common shit, loose weight look like a rockstar, earn amount this, travel to there, spend more time with friends and family. Yada yada yada. I could just copy paste from all the years of the last decade. Who couldn’t?

All the goals are conflicting, no way I can loose weight wile spending more time with friends and family. No way to make or save more money while travel to there and there.

So the question that might give the solution is, who do I want to become? Can I become a financial guru, with a degree in sport science, while being a nutrition geek? ..boring…

I do not want to become someone boring. I want to become stronger in many ways, while being funny, of course. Getting smarter and creating more opportunities, become wise, strong, [fill in who you want to become]

No more goals that fade long before I reach the 10th day of commitment. It just doesn’t work like that
I want to become hard to kill, financially, mentally, physically.
Get out of bed and work very day to become harder to kill.

Do not forget, that the reason most of my goals are not reached is because of enemy no 1, me. Sabotaging, blaming others for not helping me, and simply hoping and thinking somebody will come and save me. These are some of the reasons for failing.
Yep, I am the no 1 reason why goal setting doesn’t work.

So becoming hard to kill, means getting stronger myself in more than one way.

I see a lot of problems arise in other people due to what they do to them selves, while blaming others, society or the economy.
Eating too much, spending too much, laziness it is killing. Comfort makes weak, comfort kills.

That is why, I want to become hard to kill!

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