Author: Confuturius

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Do you ‘deserve’ that cookie?


The take away: Do good, be good, stay good.

I hear her say it, my breath stocked…

“I’m ordering pizza. I think I deserved that after a work out like this.”

I wonder what that means, to deserve a cookie, or some sort of rubbish.

If you choose to eat it, okay, fine. Just please do not justify your moment of bad judgement, because you deserve it. Filling yourself with junk food because you deserve it after a day or hour of hard work. Nobody deserved that, ever!

Who, in it’s right mind deserves, crap after good work? You deserve a treat, sure.  Or a break.

It just sounds counter intuitive. Doing good to deserve bad.
After doing good and hard work, a decent rest or rejuvenating massage sounds like a better plan.

 

Do good, be good, stay good. All day, every day.

  • Side note 1: not all pizzas are created equal. Some are made with goodness and love. Unfortunately, not all. Choose wisely.
  • Side note 2: no pizza was hurt or damaged during the writing and editing of this post.
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Tim Feriss’ Tools of Titans How I use it


Last month writer and life experimenter extraordinaire Tim Ferriss came with his book that comes with the title
Tools of Titans: The Tactics, Routines, and Habits of Billionaires, Icons, and World-Class Performers.
(no affiliated link)

Given my intent to become stronger in every sense I can think of, it was a no-brainer to get this book.

If you don’t know Tim Ferriss or his blog/book the four hour workweek  please contact me immediately, as you probably just woke up from a 20 year coma or you’re from a settlement outside of civilization as we know it. Either way, you are a true case study.

It is a thick book, and although written with a lining of humor not all chapters might interest me, or you.

So what is this book about. If you want to become the best in anything, or at least get better in something, the shortest way to do so is to copy the methods of the people who got what ever you are after. Somebody said: success leaves clues.”

Now Ferris, talked and stalked over 200 people who did something worth repeating.

He did find the fooks already, interviewed them and put the interesting stuff in his book and podcasts.

That is why I keep Tools of Titans as a reference book. Like, an encyclopedia. Yes, that is what the dinosaurs used before Google came to visit this planet.

Now if I come across a problem, like fat loss, I ask:” How would Ferriss solve this?” and check the book on who or how he thinks this can be solved in the fastest manner. I see who is the expert and continue my search from there.

If that doesn’t fit my intentions, I can always go back to the conventional ways of solving an issue.

If you read the book, who got your attention?

 

 

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Why keeping your new year resolutions is mental training

Did you make new year resolutions? If you did how are you holding up? Do you feel like the excitement of the new beginning of a year and the transition to a new you is wearing off already?

Keeping your resolutions or any commitment is a mental training. Of course massive action is necessary, no progress without action, for sure. But getting into the right mindset and keeping it in the right gear is the real challenge.

Think of this: let’s say you want to loose weight. You got your diet all figured out, got a gym membership, toke out all the bad food, filled the fridge with great colorful vegetables, lean meats  and so on, and so fort. You tell your friend your going to loose weight and there is always one, who seems to be the ‘expert’ with a ton of advice on what is good for you and what is bad for you.

Still that person does not seem to be able to apply their own talk into their own walk.

So knowledge on how to get to your goals, is one thing. Actually keeping your actions focused and persistent is the challenge. It is not about buying stuff and hopla, you get to your destination. You need to stay on the road into the right direction.

 

So how to stay persistent every day?

1 it really helps to write it down. Old fashion style on paper with a real pen, your goals, every day.

2 sit still and contemplate/ meditate on what it will mean for you to stay in the game. What obstacles will you face today? People who say you can not do it? A party where all the stuff that will tempt you is presented? Focus on how you will deal with these situation on fore hand. See yourself staying calm and making the right decision. It is okay in your moment of silence to feel excited by the thought of seeing your self make the right choices in difficult situation. That is where empowerment starts and how you get to the finish line.Anticipate on the obstacles.

3 at the end of the day, write down your victories! your strong points. Where did the road bend and what did you do to take the right decisions?

 

Stay focused on what you want. Stay on the wheel and enjoy the ride!

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Rethinking Anxiety

Anxiety

The other day I was watching National Geographic. The documentaries are so much better in details and color now, than in the days that Jacques Cousteau was still the number one. It made me again realize how much further we got as a whole in filming animals in their habitat. Anyway..

This was about the life of a mouse, in the wild. Nothing special on first sight, yet what a constant danger hit the mouse. When underground, a snake was trying to catch him. While running though the fields a big bird of prey wanted him for lunch. And after that, there was a bunch of wild horses that almost crushed him. Heavy rain nearly drowned him and much more mayhem was being poured down on him.

Being a mouse is not an easy task, there is danger around every corner. Why didn’t he stress out? Blessed are we humans in our mostly civilized environment. We can be relaxed. No need to watch over our backs, in the sky to be eaten.

And yet we are hardly relaxed. Did you ever wake up and immediately start beating yourself up on all the things you need to do, did not do, or all the people who got in your way? What is I got sick? What if we cannot pay the rent..? What if…?
Common signs of anxiety. I have mostly when I wake up. Some might have it before going to sleep and some wake up in the middle of the night with these feelings.

The mouse needs to be alert and scanning his environment for danger. It is an instinct. His life depends on it pretty clearly.
What if we humans have the same instinct still working. Scanning our life for danger, part of our brain looking for what can go wrong, scaring ourselves with horrible thoughts of disasters that might happen in the nearby future.
It might just be that our brain wants to warn us of risk and wants the other part to think about unrisking our fears.
As soon as I saw my anxiety mornings as a sign of warning, not to panic, but to do a risk assessment, things cleared.
The paralyzing thoughts, became guides. It helps seeing it this way.

Luckily we do not have to run like the mouse. But our instinct might still be on the lookout for us.

Thanks to Nat Geo for the picture

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How I deal with grief

grief

grief

In my life so far, I had my fair share of grief. Losing some one dear is what caused a hole in my heart every time. That feeling, crumbles me to do nothing else than to fall on the floor crying. Thinking I will die from pain.

Besides the hole in my heart, losing some one who loves you, leaves a hole in your soul. Love is a 2 way street.

Loved ones will die at some point. Maybe to a nasty decease, maybe a truck, some times just because of old age, being worn out by time. Hardly anybody dies at the end of their life it seems. Most of them go at when we least expected it. Death does not care about your schedule or to our perception of the conditions somebody should die.

Death just strikes, never fair, always unmerciful. What is left behind is emptiness. I gasped the whole ‘why did he die?’ too many times as a part of physics. Like finding an equation that would predict and define the outcomes of death. My mind’s hunger for logic and reason was forcing to find an answer.

There are no answers to be found. Most people just die..

It does not matter how old you are, the hole of emptiness remains. I did not find a shortcut though these emotional events. It just hurts. I tried filling the hole with all kind of substances, wine, junk food. It did not help. Only to find myself again and again on the floor crying, digging a hole for my own pity self.

In the last episode of the series where somebody I loved died, I changed the protocol. I still cried, breath was taken and panic took over, do not get me wrong. Those feelings are inescapable. The change was, I leveraged love. The hole left by the parting person, I filled with the love, hugs, attention, cups of tea I got from friends.

This time I allowed others to see my grief. I was amazed, how many were willing to pick me up of this floor. To put me in a comfortable chair and listened to my sadness.

Their warm and kinds words smoothed, brought me on my knees from pure gratitude.

On some moments I might have forgotten what the conversation was about, all I could think of was the warmth and joy I found in the present. Their smiles I will remember for as long as I live. Or as long as my memory allows me to.

Losing a loved one is painfully hard. Being able to share that, talk about in the presence of friends, it fills the void in your heart and soul. You might end up with stronger loving connections.

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Ego vs love

Harvey Specter Suits

Harvey Spector. He has a point. The things we do for others. Sometimes with discard of our own needs. It is made into a virtue. But it does not work on airplanes. When those oxygen mask come out.

In order to save somebody, you have to save your self first.

In order to love some one, love your self even so. Listen to your needs, your fears, your obsessions, your desires and love them.

In self love, you might also find forgiveness for yourself. That is good. We all fuck up at some point. We will get to a point that we just do not care about an aspect of life or care for anything at all. I’ve been there. Forgive yourself you got fat, lazy, shouted to your kids, or what ever you misinterpreted. Point is, love yourself, forgive and be better for it.

Do and be better a little bit everyday. Why? Because you love your self. Not because you have to from an ego whispering in your are you are not good enough. Or even worse, you will be loved and liked by others if you lose 50 pound, become father of the year. Life will be so much better if you just.. that is plain BS. Nobody really cares about you that way. They are to busy listening to their ego, pleasing whom ever for their likes.

Love yourself now. For all the pounds you are.

In amidst of screaming teenagers who say terrible things. They do that. It is part of them growing up.
Take a deep breath and love yourself.

Life will change, just by acknowledging the love you have for yourself. By choosing to do the best for your self.

It might sound counter honorable. But it is the only way to beat ego and to be thrown at the likes of other to feel good.
Unbeatable mind master Mark Divine said it best, to leave ego outside the door when starting the journey of becoming a NAVY SEAL.

I like warriors, the older ones, the new ones. They all come from a place they have mastered inside of them. In their minds and hearts. They love themselves and do everything to choose to become a better warrior. To protect and to serve those who need.

Love yourself, right now, here. Think about what a fantastic human you are.

Please share this with some one who can use the love.

 

About Mark Divine see this link

read the books The way of the SEAL and Unbeatable mind. (I have no affiliation, pure affection 🙂  )

 

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What is your kryptonite?

kryptonite

kryptonite
If you are on your journey of becoming strong, in all possible ways, your body, financially, and mentally, you will find what indeed makes you a stronger person. But that is not enough, you also have to look deep into your self and figure out what makes you weaker, what is your kryptonite?
Take a good look at your behavior, what do you reach for when you feel uncomfortable? What do you do at the end of a bad busy day? Comfort food? A glass of wine? A good soak in the tub? Not all matters are bad straight away. This post is meant for you to deeply look into you behavior and mark those treads that connect to your weaker treads, your personal kryptonite.

Also let’s look at the other end of your emotional spectrum. What do you reach for when you did a good job, when you feel like having a celebration with yourself? Wine, comfort food, cigarette? Chances are it might be the same as you use in bad emotional states.

Isn’t it funny how we reach for the same poison of choice for getting into our comfort zone as well as reward for good things done?

I learned this while I was on my way of quitting cigarettes. A bad bad habit, that thought me some valuable stuff about my behavior.
When I got nervous, I longed for a smoke. If I got angry, smoke. When some good news arrived, smoke.

It was only then that I viewed my cigarettes as those bad friends you don’t want your kids to play with. Or like those bad friends, you just know when you hang out with them nothing good is going to come from you and you will go down a path that goes only down if you keep joining these friends.

And those muggers keep calling you, “Hey you got a bad day, come here and hang out with us!” “Oh poor thing, nobody understands you, come over and hang out with us. We understand you” “Yeah, well done, come over and celebrate, you are a rock star!”

Yes, they kept on calling me… Until the day I decided I did not want to play with them. My cigarettes understood my emotions for sure, yet I was better and not willing to drag me down any more.
I quit…

Soon I saw, this same behavior came up, in my relation with food. Food is good, we need it..Yet as fuel or repair. Not for comfort.. Coming clear on this, I found I had new kryptonite disguised as something good.

So I hope you understand more about you behavior for the better you. Make decisions about what is making you feel comfortable. Will it make your stronger, better, faster or will it do the opposite?
Get stronger every day, day by day.

For those who wonder: what de hell is kryptonite? It is the stuff that weakened Superman..

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Find your purpose in 3 minutes here

find your purpose

find your purpose

Did not find your purpose of life yet? And I assume you feel the year ticking by and probably you feel lost and need a direction or a compelling reason to jump out of your bed every single morning. Well you got it, and I will tell you your purpose if you did not find your calling yet.

If you did find it already but you do not feel satisfied by it, feel free to use this one.
To be honest I did not find my purpose anywhere, and I looked every where. By now I am expiring faster that my purpose will. And I am okay with the purpose that I am using already for a great number of years.

Actually I have 2, just depends on my mood.

My purpose, my drive to get out of bed, and yours too, is
to sleep well.

Ha simple, isn’t it? To sleep well. What is that? What does it mean? Go to bed early, take pills, booze or any other stimulant to pass out?The last options will not promote your sleep or your health.

To sleep well, means, to have done well during the day. To feel a bit tired from working, to feel satisfied of the progress that you have been made. And also the things you have done that prevent disaster tomorrow. ( pay bills in time, check the oil in the car, batteries of the fire alarm, you know the small stuff that f*cks up a good day).

What helps me sleep very well is the knowledge, I hold no grudge toward anybody or anything. I never mean to do harm, not only to my self, but also to others.
My conscious is clear, no need to look over my shoulder for some reason. No fear any of my lies come out, as I know I am a terrible liar, so I stopped with that early in life. I feel safe, and therefor I am save.

I work hard to stay out of financial problems that might keep me up at night. My health is for this moment a blessing and during the day I do what is in my power to stay healthy.

So go to bed early, have a good sleep. In order to jump out of bed in the early morning, to do everything in your power to sleep well the coming night!

Image courtesy of stockimages / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

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Lower back pain

lower Back Pain

Lower back pain is one of the leading causes of disability, which is supported by the statistics that in every 10 individual, eight may be showing signs of the condition.

Paradoxically, the extent of pain has nothing to do with the intensity of damage afflicted on the patient. Unlike with acute ailments and disease, chronic lower back pain is generally not associated with the height of damage accumulated. A large herniated disc may be relatively painless whereas muscle spasm due to back strain can be a reason for excruciating back pain.

The reasons for lower back pain may be extremely complex. In most cases, people suffering from it cannot exactly point out the location of concentrated pain or what they exactly feel. This is due to the reason that there are a number of underlying structures located at the lower back that may cause the pain. Listed below are several parts of the spiral anatomy that may be the reasons for pain:

  • Irritation on the large nerve roots located at the low back that are connected to the arms and the legs.
  • Irritation in the smaller nerves in the lower back spine.
  • Strain at the erector spinae, also termed as the large lower back muscle.
  • Injury/ies on the joints, ligaments and bones.
  • Injury at the intervertebral disc.

There are cases however that the lower back pain is felt and suffered from yet there are no known anatomical cause or causes to relate the pain with. Though these types of lower back pain may not yet be fully recognized, immediate treatment must still be addressed. However, lower back pain may usually be associated with some general causes. An example of which is the muscle strain on the lower back or more specific diagnosable condition such as lumbar herniated disc or a degenerative disc disease.

Symptoms of lower back pain that are frequently related with surgical approaches:

  • Bladder incontinence or sudden bowel movement
  • Progressive weakening of the legs
  • Continuous low back pain or abdominal pain
  • Signs of fever and chills that are directly linked with lower back pain
  • Cancer cases
  • Extreme weight loss
  • Recent case of trauma, especially when severe

Many people take lower back pain for granted, either by own choice or they are impeded by some irreversible reasons like insufficient and the likes. However, early diagnosis and treatment generally prevent people from experiencing more excruciating pains and higher treatment costs.

 

Image courtesy of stockimages at FreeDigitalPhotos.net
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Back neck pain, what may be the causes?

back neck pain

Though cases of cervical back neck pain is more infrequent as compared to lumbar pain, a large portion of western population still undergoes neck pains that often come with arm pain,like muscle strain and overtraining.

The majority of such cases may be healed in time without the need of medical interventions.

Yet there are a number of symptoms that may prove to be indications of more serious cases and need immediate medical help.

Acute Back Neck Pain

The most common causes of acute neck pain are muscle strain, neck strain and strain experienced by other softer tissues such as ligaments and tendons. Neck strain is due to stiff neck caused by wrong bed position and partly due to carrying too many loads. A sudden jolt and pressure on the other hand may cause muscle strain.

 

Majority of minor injuries on the soft tissues usually heals a couple of days after the pain. There is good blood supply in this section of the body, which allow the circulation of protein and essential nutrients that trigger fast healing. To alleviate the pain and symptoms of back neck pain, the sufferer may use conservative methods such as physical therapy, ice or heat, osteopathic manipulation and medications.

 

Chronic Back Neck Pain

This form of neck pain is very much the same in effects with acute back neck pain. However, they largely differ on the symptoms. Listed below are some of the symptoms of chronic back pain:

  • Neck back pain that goes down to the arms
  • Neck pain that may be linked to certain activities
  • Arm pain due to lack of coordination
  • Neck back pain that may be felt for much longer duration of time
  • Neck pain that may go worse by the end of the day and in the morning

Other than these, there are a number of common symptoms that may be associated with cervical conditions. These may bring other cervical problems like wrist pain, shoulder pain, headaches and elbow pain.

One overlooked symptom is the progressive neurological degeneration, which may manifest as weakening of the arms or loss of sensitivity and coordination of the limbs. Another sign is the sustained pain that is accompanied with unplanned weight loss, fever, shakes and chills, loss of appetite, nausea and vomiting that might be signs of spinal infection.

While the majority of back neck pain does not have identifiable anatomical roots, most are closely linked to general conditions such as muscle strain and herniated vertebral disc.

Always consult a professional care takers when in doubt.

Image courtesy of stockimages at FreeDigitalPhotos.net